i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
