My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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