Don't make out with my wife yet
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
