erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
