I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
