he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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