i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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