I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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