sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
