I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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