it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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