speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
