I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
