Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
