Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
