dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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