do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
