im gay
i know
yea but for you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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