This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
