I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
