I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
