so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
