So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
