He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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