don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
