I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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