Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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