i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
