i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
