so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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