you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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