im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
