so explain again why im purple
no
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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