I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
