he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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