I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
