So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
