So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
