How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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