I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
