so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
