How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
