Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
