so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
