is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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