I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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