I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
