So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
