His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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