OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
