So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you had me at cake vodka
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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