k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
