I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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